Sarah: May 13, 2013
Will and I watched a movie together on Friday. I should say, we watched the same movie while we chatted online. I didn’t realize how strange our arrangement sounded until I tried to explain to Jessica why I couldn’t go out with her and Megan. I should have just said that I was studying for finals. I should have been studying for finals. But when Will asked me to watch the movie with him, I knew studying would be pointless. I wouldn't have been able to concentrate.
Will and I have such a weird relationship. Do we have a relationship? Truthfully, I don’t know. It’s like meeting the perfect guy and obsessing over him for weeks until you finally work up enough courage to tell him how you feel and just as you open your mouth to spill your soul, a gorgeous blonde appears at his side. (Of course, she’s blonde. They’re always blonde.) She introduces herself as his girlfriend, of five years, and they look so perfect together that your stomach starts to heave, disintegrating all your dreams. That never actually happened. I just feel as if my visions of this perfect guy evaporated once I found out where he lives. I’m pretty sure there is no such thing as a perfect guy, but even so, I'm just as doomed as the girl in my daydream.
He lives so far away. It’s not as if he will move here because of me. He has a job and a life and friends. I have a year left of school and then graduate school after that. I “won’t be able to get a job without graduate school”, according to my parents. Will and I will never get to be together. There is no point in wanting more. Why am I even thinking about him that way? It’s safer if I just put him in the friend zone. I know that. I want to put him in the friend zone. (That’s a lie! I’m such a terrible liar—I can’t even convince myself.)
On Friday, he asked me if I was seeing anyone.
“Seriously or casually?” I asked, trying to gauge where the conversation was headed.
“Either?” he replied. We had talked about our dating history before, but never really spelled out clearly whether either of us was seeing anyone else. Did I say else? Oops.
“No. Are you?” I said as I agonized over his pending answer.
His response melted my heart. “Only you.”
It was the perfect answer. I don’t know why I would expect anything less from him. The whole night was flawless, almost ideal. Except in a perfect world, our date would have ended with our first kiss.
Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler
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