Megan's Blog: August 2nd

Megan:  August 2nd

Today, I met the girls downtown for lunch. I sat facing the river on the large wooden deck as we discussed Sarah’s new boyfriend. She seemed a bit overwhelmed by her new relationship, but I guess that’s understandable. I don’t know what I would do in her situation. Though I’m happy for her, I don’t think she is being realistic. The relationship won't last and she's going to get hurt.

After lunch, I ran into Tegan Maxwell on Main Street in front of the yogurt shop. I had parked by the antique store, my mom loved so much, and was walking back to my car when I heard my name called from across the street.

I almost didn’t recognize him. The last time I saw him he was a round-faced sixteen-year-old, but today he was all grown up. The toddler in his tattooed arms, a testament of his maturity, dawned the same dark hair and sapphire blue eyes as Tegan. Those eyes. I knew those eyes well. They were identical to the ones I’d stared into for years in high school. Though his hair was dark, his eyes looked the same as Chase’s.

Tegan wrapped me in his arms and kissed my cheek as if I was his long lost sister.

“Megan, I can’t believe you’re walking the streets of Stillwater.”

“I’m not a streetwalker,” I said with a laugh. “I am from here.” I didn't know if I should admit I was living at home for the summer.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” He gripped my arm and squeezed, breaking into a huge smile. “It’s just great to see you.”

“It’s great to see you, too. WOW, you’ve got a kid, Tegan.”

“Yeah.” He looked down at his feet and I saw a glimpse of the sixteen-year-old little brother of my ex I remembered. “It’s a long story.”

He introduced the boy. And as I greeted him I thought about his Uncle Chase. It must have shown on my face because Tegan said, “Chase went to rehab, you know. He’s clean.”

This news slapped my consciousness, pulling thoughts of Chase and me that I had buried deep back to the surface. I always used Chase’s drug problem as a barrier between us, but with him sober, what crutch would I use to keep away from him?

Tegan explained all the gritty details that led to Chase’s recovery and as I listened, I realized the story had more to do with me than I wanted to admit. An hour passed as we stood on the sidewalk talking. The toddler’s sapphire-colored eyes had long since closed and he lay limp in his daddy’s arms, exhausted by the summer’s heat. As we readied our goodbyes, fear must have shown on my face because Tegan looked at me as if he wanted to say more, but then tightened his jaw and said, “I better get this guy a proper nap. Maybe we’ll run into each other again.”

I wanted to give him my number to pass along to his brother, I really did, but I couldn’t. The number Chase had for me was changed long ago in a deliberate effort to keep him out of my life. I’d worked so hard to erect the wall between us, I couldn’t risk bringing it down. Copyright 2015 Susan Schussler

Perfect Alli: July 20

Alli: July 20th

I went to pick up Sarah this afternoon to go shopping. She wanted a new birthday outfit for when she meets her Internet guy for the first time on Friday and she asked for my help picking it out. She’s so funny. I’ve never seen her like this before, all excited and tongue-tied. I hope the guy doesn’t disappoint.

I walked in the front door of her parent’s house without knocking, because that’s what I’ve been doing since high school, and I literally faceplanted into Thor’s rock hard chest. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, steadying me. Wow, he smelled good. My gaze drifted to his gorgeous face and our eyes met.

“Hey.” His carefree voice resonated through his chest.

“Hi.” I didn’t know what to say. I just stood there in his arms in silence. It felt so good until he dropped his hold on me and stepped back.

“Um, yeah.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m waiting for Jeff. Are you here for Sarah?”

I nodded. “We’re supposed to go shopping. It’s her birthday on Friday.” Awkward.

“That’s right, the big reveal date. I tried to convince her the guy is probably a troll, but then he goes and gets her into a sold out concert. At least the troll’s got connections.”

“You should come with us. I bet we could add one more person to the list. It’s probably no big deal.” My mouth just went off on its own. Damn. Did I sound desperate? I had no idea if we could get him in.

“I can’t. I’ve got plans,” he said rubbing his fingers across his forehead as if he was embarrassed.

Did he have a date? Had he moved on that quickly? Just as I gathered enough courage to ask what his plans were, Jeff walked in from the kitchen.

“You ready?” he asked. He glanced at me with an insincere smile, calling upstairs to his sister, “Sarah, Alli’s here.” Then they were out the door. Gone. I resolved to ask Sarah what she knew, but I didn’t want to come off overly interested. I had all afternoon to bring it up.

It was two hours later before I found the right time to ask. Maybe it wasn’t exactly the right time, but it was as good a time as any other. Sarah and I had just sat down with our packages at a Cariboo Coffee. She’d found the perfect jacket to wear on her date. Though with the ninety degree days we’d been experiencing, I wasn’t sure how long she would be leaving it on. But she liked it so much that I didn’t want to mention the heat. I couldn’t deny she looked sexy and buoyant in it, and half the battle with fashion is finding what makes you confident.

“Hope that wasn’t too awkward seeing Thor this morning. I would have warned you, but I didn’t know he would be there.”

“It was fine.” I shrugged, taking a sip of my iced chai tea. “I asked him if he wanted to join us for your birthday celebration.”

She fidgeted in her chair and I added, “Don’t worry, he has plans.” I thought she was nervous because she might have to ask her Internet guy for another ticket, but that wasn’t it. I was just about to ask Sarah if she knew what his plans were when she spoke.

“I know,” she said softly, glancing down at her coffee and then back up at me, hesitating. “I thought that we should invite him too, but Jeff said that Thor has a date on Friday.”

“With who? He’s not getting back together with Nora, is he?” I was going to call and bitch him out if he was letting his cheating ex-fiancé back into his life.

“It’s not Nora. It’s just some girl he met.”

Of course, he met someone new. That’s what his body was built for. I sipped my tea and took my phone out of my purse to check my messages. Nothing. I glanced up to find Sarah watching me.

“You’re OK with him moving on, right?”

“Yeah.” I lied. “You know me. I’m not going to have time for a relationship once school starts.” I swallowed a few gulps of my drink, trying to rid my throat of the knot lodged there. It was what I wanted, right? My career comes first. The rest of the afternoon I tried to erase Thor’s date from my head, but I couldn’t. I knew I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Copyright 2015 Susan Schussler 

Blonde Chicks Preferred: July 19

Liam Nordstrom:  July 19

Nak and I met Jake Gorboni before heading over to Club Priela, on our second attempt to flush Leslie from Nak’s system. To say last week was unsuccessful would be an understatement, but this week Nak was ready. We got seated in the VIP area, not the best table, but decent for not letting the club know that we were coming. Girls surrounded us in a greater than usual effort to get our attention and I wasn’t sure if it was Jake’s company or my newly established notoriety that drew them in.

It’d been months since I was out at this club. My girlfriend wasn’t thrilled about me going out with the guys a second weekend in a row, but she accepted it for Nak’s sake. It was to her benefit to stop his moping around the house. She had to live with him too, after all.

I propped my casted leg on a chair, using my injury to pull more fish into our net. No one asked what happened to my leg. My motorcycle accident was common knowledge now. My crash and the false accusations of the underage girl had done wonders for my Internet presence and every female seemed to be in tune with my life’s story.

It was weird, being out at a club. I’d been removed from the scene too long. Since Kelsey moved in, I hadn’t been driven to go out shopping and that’s what a club is for a man, a giant chick mall. I’m not sure if I’d call what Kelsey and I have love, but it is the closest that I’ve ever been to that state. She’s the only person that I have ever dated that has made me stop to think before acting and that’s new for me.

I tried to direct the beauties toward Nak, even though the first sentence out of every girl’s mouth seemed to be, “So you’re single again?” They assumed that since Kelsey wasn’t there, we’d split. And though it helped bring them to the table, I wanted it clear that I wasn’t shopping.

“Nope, but my roommate Nak is newly available.” My comment met pouty lips and a few longing touches trying to prove that my words meant nothing, but I behaved. I’m not the immoral bastard I play on television and messing up what Kelsey and I have didn’t appeal to me.

A couple of hours in, Nak had his arms around two girls—one a dead ringer for Leslie and the other I was pretty sure I had hooked up with last year—I wasn’t going to bring up either detail though. At least he looked pseudo happy.

I never realized how boring clubs are when you’re not shopping or able to move around. I sat stuck at the table because of my leg, limited to the people that found me. When the brunette crossed my vision, I just assumed she’d come for Gorboni or Nak, but no such luck. When she said my name, I realized who it was and couldn't suppress the groan that slipped from my lips.

“What’s up, Mia?”

She waited for everyone at the table to give her their full attention. Even though they wouldn’t be able to hear her above the techno music, she obviously wanted all eyes on her. “Why can’t you get Jonathan to come out with you? I thought you were buds. He needs to get out more.”

I gawked at her in disbelief. He’d never come to this club and she knew it.

“I think he’s too preoccupied with that girl he’s seeing.” He wasn’t technically seeing her yet, but he was planning to meet her in less than a week and it brought me great satisfaction to watch the smugness on Mia’s face crumble into concern.

“What girl?” She straightened her posture and brushed her dark hair behind her shoulder, trying not to look bothered by my reveal.

“Some girl. He’s known her for months. Hasn’t he told you about her?”

She glared at me while the microprocessors in her head fired, trying to make sense of my words. “Not the non-Hollywood chick?”

“Yep. That’s her.” She was definitely not Hollywood.

“She’s never going to last,” she spat. And though it may have been true, I didn’t like the way it sounded coming from Mia’s mouth.

“What’s it matter to you anyway? I thought you were hot and heavy with Fallston. Are you done with him already?” Her lips curled into a sneer and she glared at me for a moment readying to tear my head off. I didn’t have the patience for her. Just as she opened her mouth, Tom Fallston’s arms wrapped around her behind her and he balanced his head on her shoulder.

“Hey, guys. Good music tonight, huh?” Fallston bellowed over the noise. They were still hot and heavy as far as he was concerned, I could tell. Mia, on the other hand, she’d drop him in a second if Jonathan Williams wanted her back.
Copyright 2015 Susan Schussler 

Blonde Chicks Preferred: July 12, 2013

Liam Nordstrom:  July 12, 2013

Will finally took the red pill and called the Internet girl. He was hilarious when he stopped by this afternoon, in the best mood. He kept cracking jokes and nothing I said seemed to bring him down. He’s completely whipped. He didn’t come clean with her about his fame, but at least he is talking to her. She sounds like a super sweet girl—nothing like Mia Thompson. Will deserves a break. Hope she doesn’t turn into a psycho bitch. He wants to meet her, so he and I were brainstorming on how he should spring his true identity on her.

“I say you just show up at her door. It’s not like she’s going to turn you away.”

“She might. She’s not impressed by fame. I think she’d see it as a detriment, not an asset. She’s not like the rest of the mindless drones. That’s why I like her.” He smiled and I could tell that he was thinking about something she said. “It’s got to be something big, something she can’t refuse.”

“If you had a premiere coming up, you could invite her to that.”

He shook his head. “I don’t. And I have to meet her before filming starts in September. It’s got to be larger-than-life, where she can’t just shut me down.”

“Talk to Nick,” I suggested. Our buddy Nick Reyes lives over the top every day and in a weird man-whore way knows women pretty damn well.

“Can do.” He cocked his head in agreement and we moved on to talking about his assistant Leslie and my housemate’s break up.

“Is it another guy?” I asked. “Because I think that Nak is in shock. He can’t figure out what happened.”

“I don’t think that she is seeing anyone else. Leslie said that they just agreed that it wasn’t working. She made it sound as if they were both too busy to keep it going.”

“If you gave the chick some time off, maybe she could have a decent relationship and Nak wouldn’t be moping around like a puppy with his head stuck in one of those clear plastic cones.”

“This is not my fault.”

Nak walked into the kitchen in yesterday’s clothes, wearing a three-day-old beard. “I’m pretty sure it is your fault, Jonathan Williams.” He sat down at the breakfast bar and spun around to face us.

“I am not getting involved in Leslie’s personal life. You are not worth me losing the only person that can keep me organized. Sorry, man.”

Nak slumped against the counter. “If she had just given me some warning. That would have been…I mean…what the hell? She shows up in Vancouver for my wrap party and granted the film didn’t have much of a budget so it wasn’t much of a party, but I was coming home. And she starts up with this it isn’t working BS. And we never see each other? We were flying out together. I just don’t understand.”

“It’s not another guy if that’s what you’re worried about. She’s probably just trying to work out her fall schedule. You know how anal she is. We’re going to be gone almost three months. Leslie likes to have everything methodically in order. I, on the other hand, say, seize the day.” Will chuckled and I knew he was talking about finally meeting the Internet girl.

“So you think I should call her or not?” Nak asked.

“Do what you have to do. Life’s too short. I’ve got to go,” Will added as he stood up and headed for the door.

“Can you talk to Leslie?”

Will turned and asked, “What do you want me to say.” He stared at him earnestly.   

“Tell her we’re going out clubbing tonight,” I hollered. There was no way in hell that I was going to let Nak beg. “This is LA. There’s plenty of chicks wanting some Nak. Her loss.” I lifted my chin to stress my point. He doesn’t need her. “Are you coming with us or not,” I ask Will.

He smiled. “Can’t. I’ve got to figure out my own problems.” As he headed for the door he added, “Gorboni said he was looking for something to do. Give him a call.”

“Good luck with the Internet girl,” I yelled before the door closed.

Kelsey was visiting her family so it was the perfect night to go clubbing and I could always find some more people to join us. I’d call Gorboni for sure. I hadn’t been out clubbing since before the accident. My plastic leg boot and pain would assure that dancing was out, but the sympathy card the cast brought would reel in the chicks—all in the name of helping Nak. The sacrifices I make.

“You better shave. I can’t take you anywhere looking like that,” I said, slapping my roomie on the back as I hobbled over to the counter to grab my phone and figure out our plans for the evening. Copyright 2015 Susan Schussler  

Perfect Alli: July 11, 2013

Alli: July 11, 2013

I have five weeks left before school starts. I hate how fast time seems to move in adulthood. A week ago I was at the lake with Thor and now I don’t even know where we stand. After I told him that I didn’t want to come over after work, he got pretty quiet. I probably shouldn’t have said, “If we’re still together, then” when he mentioned meeting his parents at Thanksgiving. I just didn’t want to talk about meeting parents or future plans. He was stepping all over my strategies to concentrate on school. Who does he think he is messing with my head? I know I should have told him that I wasn’t interested in a relationship past summer. It just never felt like the right time.

Once, I went out with a guy who told me on our first date that he didn’t have time for a relationship. He was probably just being honest, but it came off condescending as if he thought he was better than me somehow. I didn’t even want to go on that date in the first place, but he had asked me out four times. I went out with him out of pity and then he turned it around to make me feel unworthy.

Even though I am not always the best at being empathetic (at least that’s what my friends say), I didn’t want to make Thor feel the way that douche made me feel. I like Thor. And he’d been through so much already. I thought if I waited, it wouldn’t sound so harsh. Now I’m just frustrated. He doesn’t know that short-term has been my plan all along. He sent me a text Saturday morning to tell me he was going back up to the Austins' cabin. I sent back “K.” Everyone knows the universal text meaning OK really means I’m pissed. I haven’t heard from him since. I don’t know if he got mad that I was pissed or if he was mad that I didn’t spend the night.

Everything is so unresolved. Maybe I should concentrate on work and lining up references for my med school applications like my mother keeps nagging me to do. It’s the easiest way to end it—no one is to blame, we just drift apart. We’ll see each other again at some point, unless I stop being friends with Sarah and Jessica or Thor and Jeff have a falling out. It’s a big incestuous circle of friends dating friends’ friends or friends’ brothers. What a mess. Note to self: In the future, only date strangers.

I could call him and invite him to go club hopping with us for Sarah’s twenty-first birthday. It would break the ice between us and Jeff is going to be there so if he’s still mad at me Thor can talk to him. But if I do that and then break up with him, how is that going to be better for him or me? I’m pretty sure my friends will be more forgiving of me if I tell them that he stopped texting me. I don’t really want to lose him yet, but it would be a lot easier just to let him slip away. Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler      

Jessica's Way: July 6, 2013

Jessica:  July 6, 2013

We were all up at Jeff’s family’s lake home for the fourth of July weekend—Sarah, Megan, Trent (Megan’s guy of the moment), Jeff and I. Alli had to work on the weekend at the hospital, so she and Thor left by noon on Friday. I was surprised when Thor came back up to the lake this morning though. I thought he and Alli were going to have a quiet weekend together. That’s what he had told Jeff when he left. I guess he changed his mind.

I didn’t realize that Thor and Alli had a fight until he corners me on the end of the dock.

“She hasn’t even told her parents about me,” he says, sitting down next to me on the bench. “I’m a decent looking guy. I’m going to grad school. Am I that much of a loser that her parents wouldn’t approve?”

I can’t help but laugh. He is indecently fine looking sitting next to me without his shirt. I know that he’s Jeff’s best friend, but still. That isn’t why I am laughing though. He obviously has no clue what Alli’s parents were like or he would never want to meet them. “Trust me, you don’t want them to know you exist.”

“What does that mean?”

I’m not sure if I should go into detail, but I think he deserves to know what he is in for if he wants a relationship with Alli. “Her parents are a bit overbearing. It is not worth meeting them if this is just going to be a summer thing.”

His brow furrows and his eyes squint as he glares at me. What did I say?

“Suppose they found out about me, what would happen?”

“They would very politely invite you out for dinner at the club, where they would interrogate you endlessly about your career plans and religious beliefs. And when you didn’t measure up, they would condemn you. Not because you’re a bad person, but because no one, not even themselves, can meet their standards. Then they would pinpoint your flaws and make sure that Alli was aware of each and every one of them, tenfold.” I pause hoping that helps clarify it for him. His scowl tells me I need to add more. “When I first met her mom, she tried to convince Alli that I wasn’t good friend material because my parents were going through a divorce and I was going to suck Alli dry with my emotional neediness. That was her conclusion though she had talked to me for no more than ten minutes. With guys, it’s worse. If you think Alli’s type-A personality is high strung now just wait and see what she’s like when her parents get all riled up.”

He looks out over the water following a speedboat with his eyes as it loops around the edge of the lake. “We’ve never even talked about religious differences.”

“I’m not trying to turn you off from Alli. She’s not like her folks. She views the world around her without blinders and can see outside the box. It’s just best to not stir the pot with her parents.”

“I thought she was Catholic. She went to a Catholic high school.”

“Her Nana is Catholic. But her parents joined a non-denominational church when Alli was in her teens. It’s a little extreme. I think it turned Alli off to all organized religions. You should probably talk to her about it. But I know for me with my mom’s crazy family, no one ever listens to anyone else with an open mind, so I’ve learned not to discuss religion or politics if I can help it. It just leaves me frustrated when I do. Alli probably feels the same way with her parents. It’s easier to let them assume she agrees with them. If she doesn’t make waves then she can live her life in peace.”

I could see the cogs of Thor’s brain turning in his expression. I hope I didn’t say anything wrong. I just wanted to help. He seemed so dejected, and he doesn’t deserve the psychological torture that Alli’s parents inflict. Sometimes Alli doesn’t realize that her parents don’t just affect her. They affect everyone she touches.

I hear the clomping of flip-flops against the wooden slats of the dock and I look back to see Jeff and the rest of the gang coming toward us in their swimsuits. I don’t know what else to say to Thor. I rise as Jeff spins the oversized wheel of the boatlift, clinking with each turn, to lower the boat. We’re going skiing and I still need to get my suit on before the boat leaves without me. I touch Thor’s shoulder and ask, “Are you OK?”

He nods and I know that is all I will get now that everyone else is on the dock. I squeeze past the group and hustle inside to get changed. Thor has to figure the rest out on his own. Alli is right to keep him away from her parents. I hope he understands.

Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler 

Perfect Alli: July 5, 2013

Alli: July 5, 2013

I’m riding back to the Cities with Thor from Sarah’s family’s cabin in northern Minnesota. I wanted to stay until the weekend like the rest of the group, but I have to work this afternoon and if I miss work my mother will never let it go. Thor wanted to ride together and since he doesn’t have to work, he may head back to the cabin after he drops me off. It’s not that far that I feel too much guilt about the drive. My guilt stems from what Thor said last night.

“We should get our own place on this lake someday.”

Whoa. It stopped me in my tracks. I’m not sure if he was just blabbering because we had been drinking and were in a boat in the middle of the lake watching fireworks or if he was making plans for the future. Who knows where I will be a year from now if I don’t get into the U’s medical school, let alone five years from now. Normally I would have blown off a comment like that, but after Thor’s brother told me last week that I need to end the relationship before Thor gets hurt, I’m a bit more sensitive about him making future plans. I don’t want to hurt him.

When I first met him, he seemed so confident and smooth that I was surprised he was even interested in me. Usually, hot guys don’t even give me a second look once I open my mouth. It’s not that I’m not decent looking. I can hold my own mostly and I have lady-parts. I’m just focused and I think they see me as too much work. That’s why I usually go for geeks. They seem more willing to see past my career fixation. Maybe it’s because they have their own goals or maybe it's because they’re not used to women talking to them.

The smile on my face provokes Thor to ask, “Who are you texting?”

“No one. I’m on Tumblr, just blogging. It helps me think.”

“Think? About last night?” He winks at me and his face lights with amusement.

“You are so full of yourself.”

“I have a right to be, don’t I?” He returns his eyes to the road as if his question is rhetorical.

“I suppose you do,” I admit even though I didn’t need to answer. I can feel the blush on my cheeks burn down my neck, thinking about what happened after the fireworks ended and I’m glad he is no longer looking at me.

“Do you want to come over after you get off work?”

“I thought that you were going back up to the lake.”

He grunts skeptically. “There’s nothing there for me if you’re not there. Besides I’d be the only one without a date.”

“Sarah doesn’t have a date.” I blurt out, not wanting him to hook up with Sarah, but to prove a point that he wouldn’t be the only single.

“She is cute. But I think Jeff’s sister is a little too obsessed with the Internet guy to even notice I’m there. I’d be stuck talking to myself.”

He was right. Now that Sarah and Will were actually talking on the phone, she was even more distracted than usual. She seemed dazed last night—which is not her. She kept checking her phone and complaining about the terrible cell service on the lake. Then after the fireworks, she drove into town to make a call. We all knew who she was calling.

“Do you want to come over or not?”

“Sure, but I can’t stay. My parents know the girls are all up at the lake and that means I don’t have an excuse for staying out all night.”

“You are an adult. Just tell them you’re staying at my apartment.” He says it as if nothing could be simpler. He looks over at me and he knows right away. I tried to look away but he caught my expression. “You haven’t told them about me, have you?”

I let out a deep breath and stumble over my words. “I…you…It wouldn’t make it easier to for me to stay over. They’re not going to approve of you.”

“So I’m not good enough for your parents? What, I need a Harvard degree or just need a Ph.D. behind my name?”

Damn. That’s not what I meant. “No, they’re not going to approve of any guy I’m with until I'm in my final year of residency.”

“Well, you’re going to have to introduce me at some point. I can wait until the end of summer when you’re back at school and no longer under their roof, but I am going to meet them.”

There it was—more future plans. Do I plant the seed about the breakup or do I ignore his comment? I wait a beat too long to respond and he adds, “You don’t want them to meet me ever, do you?”

This time I’m quick to respond. “It’s for your own protection. Really it won’t be pretty.” Then I laugh to make light of my words.

“Well you’re coming to my parents for Thanksgiving weekend, so you better think up a good lie to tell your parents by then.” His words have a bitter undertone and the determined look on his face tells me that he’s going to find a way to meet my parents. He’ll make it look like an accident—probably stop over unexpectedly and say that he thought that they wouldn’t be home. Then he gets what he wants and I can’t get mad.

“If we’re still together then,” I say and I don’t know if I'm planting the seed or if I'm just conveying how serious I am about me not wanting him to meet them. The rest of the ride is pretty silent. I want to know what he’s thinking, but I’m too afraid to ask. Maybe I’ll go home after work and give us both a night to process the conversation.
Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler  

Paris in LA: June 27, 2013

Paris Borel:  June 27, 2013

Jonathan Williams called yesterday. I couldn’t believe my good luck. My husband had been such a dick lately that I needed the escape. I never expected his call and Jonathan’s sexy voice hit me like the air in hot yoga—so steamy I could barely think. I hadn’t posted any substantial articles about him in weeks on my website. The last insignificant one was a result of the selfie that Mia Thompson had put up and he deserved that article. If he’s going to let her tweet about their early morning excursions then who am I to keep it away from my readers. I knew he couldn’t be calling about that tiny blip. Since the selfie, I’ve only posted the usual daily sightings of him around town—the fan pics, not the paparazzi. Though I’m sure my readers would devour paparazzi pictures, it would break the unspoken agreement that I have with Jonathan. I don’t think he would be so forthcoming with his private life if I entangled myself with the vultures. It’s more personal when I post fan pics anyway and I so want to be personal with him.

Jonathan was clearly interested in my life—another surprise. He knew about Gerard’s problems with the coach’s daughter. He even knew about Gerard’s shoulder injury. Though it was in the press, it pleased me that he’d been keeping track of me so closely.

When he told me that he and Mia Thompson weren’t getting back together, I offered myself to him on a platter for his enjoyment. I guess I should have been more subtle with him, more seductive. Being direct didn’t work.

He’s a bit more complicated than most men. In my experience with the male species, what you see is what you get. Jonathan has been through more than any twenty-three year old should have to endure and most of the time I have no idea what motivates him. But the more I’ve gotten to know him, the more I can spot his vulnerabilities. He’s got this tender side that calls to me. So while most of the press has been ruthless to him over the last few years, I have cultivated a personal relationship with him and I can tell he sees me as different. Jonathan and I have an undeniable connection.

He wanted the email address for some girl that was a regular poster on my website. At first, I was skeptical about providing him links to the competition. But when he mentioned that he thought she was his brother’s ex, I couldn’t say no. If it was the ex-girlfriend I thought it was, she wouldn’t want anything to do with him anyway. Besides I couldn’t deny him anything. All he would have to do is say my name with those gorgeous lips and I’d cave.

Gerard says I need professional help. He thinks that my infatuation with Jonathan is unhealthy. And maybe it is, but he doesn’t realize that it plays into my plan. Payback’s a bitch, right? My husband should never have cheated on me. He doesn’t know what lengths I’m willing to go for revenge.

Jonathan’s call definitely doused gasoline on the already lit fuse that I hadn’t told Gerard about. I was ready for my oblivious husband to know what he had started. I revealed my affair with his teammate, Caleb Gossling, and I thought he would at least smash his hand through the wall or break the corner off the granite breakfast bar. But he just grinned at me and before taking a bite of his sandwich, casually announced, “I guess we’re even.” Then he spun around on his bar stool and flicked on ESPN.

We were far from even, but I was so caught off guard by his lack of emotion that I was speechless. Me speechless? I could tell he was waiting for me to become irrational, but I wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. He had his own game going on. I just smiled and leaned over the counter, purring in his ear. “Next time it will be with someone that means something to me.”

He knew who I meant.

“A tit for a tat, Gerry.” His lip curled a little at my words as he rotated back to meet my eyes. He hated it when I called him Gerry.

He stared at me, while I wondered how long my threat would keep him in line. The fury in his eyes penetrated me, sending a shiver down my spine. He’d never gotten violent at home. I knew so many hockey wives that dealt with violence off the rink. They accepted it as part of the package with the high adrenaline lifestyle. The money and recognition brought privilege—the abuse just became part of the payment—sanctioned by the wife’s lack of power. The minute a woman stopped seeing herself as equal, the relationship became askew and she was no longer more than an accessory—something to be worn and thrown away.

And maybe Gerard’s and my relationship was off kilter a bit too. I knew the coach’s daughter wasn’t his first. But hell if I was going to stand for his cheating any longer. With Jonathan’s call, I knew I had options.

I stared right back at him. I wasn’t going to let him intimidate me. When his hand jetted out and grasped my shoulder hard, his fingers digging into my skin, I cringed at the impending blow. But instead, he pulled me in for the most tender kiss I’ve ever had and as I lay on my stomach stretched across the breakfast bar, I melted into his arms, imagining he was my fascination.

“No more, baby,” he whispered, though I knew he was lying. At least, for now, he would be faithful and that was better than a fist to the side of the head. I’d made it clear that I wouldn’t let him get away with the cheating. He knew the price. But I knew that I wouldn’t have to wait forever to quench my obsession with Jonathan, guilt-free.
Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler

Perfect Alli: June 26, 2013

Alli: June 26, 2013

Thor had packed a picnic for dinner and we eat it on the beach—Thai chicken salad, with broccoli and red peppers. He says he made it, but I suspect that his brother who’s a chef made it. It tastes great. He pulls out wine and we drink it out of plastic cups as we try to hide the fact that we are drinking on a public beach.

After eating we stroll around Lake Calhoun. He keeps playfully bumping into me as we walk. When we stop to view the Minneapolis skyline—the lowering sun painting the mirrored buildings orange and red—he wraps his arms around me and pulls me against him. His breath in my ear matches mine as if we were singing a round of silent melody. As my lungs fill, his empty. Then mine empty and his fill.

We stand in silence as bikers and joggers buzz by. His words, usually so free-flowing, seem noticeably absent. I wonder what he’s thinking. Did he take his ex-fiancé here on a similar date? Is he thinking of her? Or is he thinking of last week when we went to the same coffee shop to watch a different band? I’m not sure, but he seems a bit distant. I pull him back onto the path and say, “Come on. We’re going to miss the band.” The sun won’t set until almost 9:30, but we still have to make it halfway around the lake to the coffee shop in uptown before all the tables are taken. Last week it was so packed that we had to sit around the corner from the main room and we couldn’t even see the band. “We’re not going to get a table,” I say, just to get him back on task. He smiles and follows me.

By the time we get to the coffee shop, there are people lined up against the back wall and I can’t see any open tables, not even around the corner where we sat last time. Thor pushes our way through the standing room only crowd like he owns the place and I’m thinking that he’s crazy for even trying until I see his brother. Grayson is sitting next to some girl that I know I’ve never seen before, and we slide into the booth across from them.

“Hey, Red,” says Grayson with Thor’s smile.

I didn’t notice it before but they have the same smile. I’m not really fond of the name Red, but I’ve heard it so many times that I ignore it. I return the smile and he introduces his blonde beauty of the moment. Camryn or Kya, I don’t remember. It doesn’t matter because I’ll never see her again. I wonder whether or not Thor will become more like his brother and have a different girl on his arm every week after we break up. On looks alone, he could pull it off, but I don’t think his heart would be in it. He’s not that shallow.

Thor sits for the obligatory introductions and then excuses himself to stand in line for our coffees. I know we will break up. After my meeting with Dr. Albright last week, I know I won’t have time for anything but school once it starts. Part of me is sad about that, but my rational side knows there is no other way. I refuse to be one of those girls who gets sidetracked by a man. I’m going to be a doctor, damn it. And no gorgeous smiling hard body is going to distract me from my career.

“How was the honeymoon?” Grayson asks glancing at me and then to the girl hanging on his every word. She giggles and I’m not sure if it is because she knows the story about me going on Thor’s honeymoon with him after he broke it off with his cheating fiancé or if it’s because Grayson is paying attention to her.

I don’t think his question is the most appropriate thing to say, but I answer anyway. “Satisfying.” I surprise both of us with my answer. Grayson’s eyebrows jolt up in astonishment. I am trying to knock him down to a manageable ego. It doesn’t work, though. It just spurs him on.

“It’s good to know my brother is capable of keeping up the family’s reputation,” says Grayson, his expression indicates he’s patting himself on the back for his cleverness. “I wasn’t sure you would stick around after the free vacation, but here you are.”

Irritated by his declaration I say, “I guess it must be your brother’s skills.” I scowl at him, trying to show him how inappropriate the conversation is.

He stares at me for several seconds as if he’s trying to figure me out and then adds, “Don’t hurt him. Break it off now, if you’re not going to stay with him. He doesn’t need his heart shredded again. He gets attached, obsessed almost. I can see it starting with you. If you’re not in it for the long hall, don’t string him along.”

My face must show him all he needs to know because he says, “Yeah. That’s what I thought. Break it off.”

I look over at Thor as he nears the barista’s counter. His eyes meet mine and that devilish smile spreads across his face. Was he getting too attached to me? We had only been together a few weeks. I like being with him. I really like him. He’s a better distraction than I could have ever hoped for, but he is supposed to just be a summer fling—someone to make the time pass until school starts again, nothing more. I meant to tell him on the flight home that I wouldn’t be able to see him after school starts. It isn’t that I’m avoiding the subject. It’s just never the right time.

I look back over to Grayson. I hate it when people tell me what to do. I get enough of that from my parents. “Why would I do that? I like Thor. I’m sure he only sees me as a rebound anyway, someone to help get him over his cheating fiancé.”

Cora, or whatever her name is, has her phone out and is texting now. I guess she’s tired of being left out of the conversation. Grayson pulls his arm from behind her and leans over the table, talking directly at me in a hushed tone. “You better not hurt him.”

Why do people keep saying that? He’s not some fragile child. He’s the one who asked me on the trip. He was in control the whole time. “I don’t have a red room of pain,” I say and the girl next to him giggles, catching the Fifty Shades reference. “Your brother is stronger than you think. Why do you think I’m going to hurt him?”

“He is obviously more into you than you are to him.”

I shake my head. Grayson doesn’t know what he is talking about. Thor isn’t needy or clingy. It’s not like we even talk or text every day. We’re just taking it one day at a time. Aren’t we?

Thor slides into his seat next to me and rests his arm on the back of the booth behind me. “What did I miss?” he asks, pushing my iced latte toward me.

I shrug not sure what to say. Then the girl next to Grayson says, “Your honeymoon.” She doesn’t even look up from her phone. Her fingers are moving, quickly typing out a text.

In a fatherly tone, Grayson says, “Cara.” Her name must be Cara. I’m surprised he remembered it.

“What? She said that he satisfied her.” She looks up and meets Grayson’s glare. “It wasn’t anything bad.”

“Bro, did you really ask Allison if I…” The words catch in Thor’s throat. He gapes at his brother in disbelief.

Grayson laughs and answers, “She offered it freely. It’s good to know you can play ball with the rest of us. She also told us that she didn’t have a red room of pain, but I suspect that’s a lie. It’s always the quiet ones who go over the edge.”

Oh my god. I am completely mortified. Grayson definitely won this match. Thor looks over at me for confirmation and I’m sure that my skin matches my hair—bright red. Just then the band starts to introduce themselves. Thor’s expressions says he wants to hear more about our conversation. I don’t think he really wants to know the rest of our discussion. Grayson is crazy. Thor is cautious. He’s not going into this blindfolded. On our trip, he told me that he would probably never marry. What does that say to a girl? Besides, it’s not even the Fourth of July yet. I have two months before summer’s end. The band starts up before anyone says anymore and it is so loud in the small space that we can no longer talk. Thor’s fingers find my bare shoulder and I know that I’ve made the right choice to wait. I didn’t even know him a month ago—who knows what will happen by the end of summer. Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler

Blonde Chicks Preferred: June 22, 2013

Liam Nordstrom:  June 22, 2013

“You look like hell,” were the exact words that Will said as he walked into the room and saw me lying in the rented hospital bed. I didn’t doubt that I actually looked like hell, but there was no way I wanted to hear it. I had been in this bed since Friday when they released me from the hospital and I felt like hell.

“Thanks.” I pulled myself up with one hand using the triangle bar hanging over the bed as I pushed the button to bring up the bed behind my back. I wasn’t in as much pain as I had been at the hospital and I was much more comfortable in the privacy of my own home. “It’s about time you blessed me with your godliness.”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” He had already explained his issues about visiting me at the hospital on the phone. I got it. I couldn’t hold it against him.

“Is Kelsey taking good care of you? I mean, other than helping you with your hair and all.”

“Shut up.” I ran my fingers through my longer than usual hair. “Kelsey’s been great.” I looked around to make sure she wasn’t within earshot. “There’s a nurse who comes in every day to help me with some of the personal stuff. She said my hair looked fine.”

“She’s either really old or really hot.” He laughed as he took a seat in the chair next to me.

“Old,” I admitted. “Kelsey demanded it and I’m glad she did. It’s embarrassing enough.”

“I bet it is.” He laughed again and I wondered if he really understood the crap that I was going through. “Speaking of age, whatever happened with that underage girl? Haven’t heard anything about it in a while.”

“Nothing. They’re not pressing charges at this time, but they are leaving it open, hoping that they’ll get more evidence. My dad says we could sue them but it would cost us more than we could get. Besides, I think the publicity helped my career.”

“No doubt on that one.” Will leaned back and rested his feet on the edge of my bed.

“So what’s going on with you and Mia?” I turned it back on him. “I saw the selfie of you and her having early morning coffee. You said you weren’t back with her. Just getting some exercise?”

“It was just coffee. She’s trying to look unavailable for some other guy. I was helping her out, nothing more.”

I knew how easy it was to get back with exes in Hollywood. At least you know what you’re getting into with an ex. I watched him closely for a few seconds to see if he was lying, but everything he said seemed legit. “Jonathan Williams, you’re still obsessed with that Internet chick, aren’t you?” I used his real name because it always throws him off when I do.

“Is it that obvious?” He rubbed his hands over his face. “Even Mia could tell and she doesn’t usually notice anything not Mia.”

“It’s that obvious.” I nodded. It felt good talking about someone else’s problems.

“I know I’ve got to do something about it. Even my dad could see it. I just don’t want to change what Sarah and I have. Right now, I can tell her anything.”

“Except who you really are,” I interjected.

“I think she knows the real me better than anyone. When I tell her who I am it’s going to screw us up.”

“It could make it better. I say dive in head first. I mean, when was the last time you hooked up with anyone?”

“Don’t go there. I’m trying to have a deep conversation here.” He smiled and added, “Let’s just say things haven’t changed since the last time we talked about this.”

“Too bad. But only you can ‘be the change you want to see in the world,’” I quoted Gandhi in a mocking voice.

“I’m working on it.” He shook his head and added, “It’ll happen soon.”

I knew that much. He would make it happen. The rest depended on the chick.

“I’m going to talk to the website manager and get Sarah’s email. That way I don’t have to worry about her getting hacked by some cyber stalker. Did you see that Ashley Tyler got hacked last week? Nude pics out of her private account.”

“Damn. I missed those? Are they still up?”

“Don’t encourage the hackers, Nordstrom. What are you thinking?” Will looked at me with his most serious expression, then added, “They’re fake, by the way.”

“Damn,” I said again. I knew he wasn’t talking about the pictures, but two particularly famous parts of the singer’s body. “You sure?”

He looked at me cocking his head with one eyebrow raised. I knew I shouldn’t have even questioned him. But I was still going to look online for myself after he left.

We talked some more about the hacking and how best to protect ourselves. Then I told him how the studio had to rewrite the script for the midseason finale because there was no way I could do what they had planned. They were going to write my accident into the plot and possibly shoot a scene here at the house with me in the bed like this. They’d bring in some green screens and dub it all in. “They promised not to kill me off. I guess that’s all that matters.”

“You don’t even realize what’s happening with your career right now, do you? There’s no way they’re going to kill you off. They’re probably scrambling to see how they can tighten up your contract so you won’t move onto something bigger and better.”

I looked at him as if he was crazy.

“I’m serious. Your accident made the front page of all the rags. Didn’t anyone tell you?”

“I need a better agent,” I admitted. I hadn’t seen anything. Maybe I’d just been so out of it that no one wanted to tell me or maybe they had told me. I’d been avoiding googling myself because I was afraid of seeing pictures of the accident. It’s not like I needed to be reminded how badly I’d been hurt. Just then my leg started throbbing, probably because I was thinking about it, and I knew it would end Will’s visit. As soon as I took the pain pill, I would be out. So I explained it to Will and he said he would stop back tomorrow.
Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler