Perfect Alli: July 5, 2013

Alli: July 5, 2013

I’m riding back to the Cities with Thor from Sarah’s family’s cabin in northern Minnesota. I wanted to stay until the weekend like the rest of the group, but I have to work this afternoon and if I miss work my mother will never let it go. Thor wanted to ride together and since he doesn’t have to work, he may head back to the cabin after he drops me off. It’s not that far that I feel too much guilt about the drive. My guilt stems from what Thor said last night.

“We should get our own place on this lake someday.”

Whoa. It stopped me in my tracks. I’m not sure if he was just blabbering because we had been drinking and were in a boat in the middle of the lake watching fireworks or if he was making plans for the future. Who knows where I will be a year from now if I don’t get into the U’s medical school, let alone five years from now. Normally I would have blown off a comment like that, but after Thor’s brother told me last week that I need to end the relationship before Thor gets hurt, I’m a bit more sensitive about him making future plans. I don’t want to hurt him.

When I first met him, he seemed so confident and smooth that I was surprised he was even interested in me. Usually, hot guys don’t even give me a second look once I open my mouth. It’s not that I’m not decent looking. I can hold my own mostly and I have lady-parts. I’m just focused and I think they see me as too much work. That’s why I usually go for geeks. They seem more willing to see past my career fixation. Maybe it’s because they have their own goals or maybe it's because they’re not used to women talking to them.

The smile on my face provokes Thor to ask, “Who are you texting?”

“No one. I’m on Tumblr, just blogging. It helps me think.”

“Think? About last night?” He winks at me and his face lights with amusement.

“You are so full of yourself.”

“I have a right to be, don’t I?” He returns his eyes to the road as if his question is rhetorical.

“I suppose you do,” I admit even though I didn’t need to answer. I can feel the blush on my cheeks burn down my neck, thinking about what happened after the fireworks ended and I’m glad he is no longer looking at me.

“Do you want to come over after you get off work?”

“I thought that you were going back up to the lake.”

He grunts skeptically. “There’s nothing there for me if you’re not there. Besides I’d be the only one without a date.”

“Sarah doesn’t have a date.” I blurt out, not wanting him to hook up with Sarah, but to prove a point that he wouldn’t be the only single.

“She is cute. But I think Jeff’s sister is a little too obsessed with the Internet guy to even notice I’m there. I’d be stuck talking to myself.”

He was right. Now that Sarah and Will were actually talking on the phone, she was even more distracted than usual. She seemed dazed last night—which is not her. She kept checking her phone and complaining about the terrible cell service on the lake. Then after the fireworks, she drove into town to make a call. We all knew who she was calling.

“Do you want to come over or not?”

“Sure, but I can’t stay. My parents know the girls are all up at the lake and that means I don’t have an excuse for staying out all night.”

“You are an adult. Just tell them you’re staying at my apartment.” He says it as if nothing could be simpler. He looks over at me and he knows right away. I tried to look away but he caught my expression. “You haven’t told them about me, have you?”

I let out a deep breath and stumble over my words. “I…you…It wouldn’t make it easier to for me to stay over. They’re not going to approve of you.”

“So I’m not good enough for your parents? What, I need a Harvard degree or just need a Ph.D. behind my name?”

Damn. That’s not what I meant. “No, they’re not going to approve of any guy I’m with until I'm in my final year of residency.”

“Well, you’re going to have to introduce me at some point. I can wait until the end of summer when you’re back at school and no longer under their roof, but I am going to meet them.”

There it was—more future plans. Do I plant the seed about the breakup or do I ignore his comment? I wait a beat too long to respond and he adds, “You don’t want them to meet me ever, do you?”

This time I’m quick to respond. “It’s for your own protection. Really it won’t be pretty.” Then I laugh to make light of my words.

“Well you’re coming to my parents for Thanksgiving weekend, so you better think up a good lie to tell your parents by then.” His words have a bitter undertone and the determined look on his face tells me that he’s going to find a way to meet my parents. He’ll make it look like an accident—probably stop over unexpectedly and say that he thought that they wouldn’t be home. Then he gets what he wants and I can’t get mad.

“If we’re still together then,” I say and I don’t know if I'm planting the seed or if I'm just conveying how serious I am about me not wanting him to meet them. The rest of the ride is pretty silent. I want to know what he’s thinking, but I’m too afraid to ask. Maybe I’ll go home after work and give us both a night to process the conversation.
Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler