Perfect Alli: June 11, 2013

Alli:  June 11, 2013

The ride out to the reef didn’t bother me at all, but within a few minutes of leaving shore, the woman next to me turned the most interesting shade of green. When she started puking over the side and her new husband wouldn’t even hold her hair back, Thor and I started placing bets on how long the couple’s marriage would last. Thor thought they could last a year, but I was convinced they wouldn’t make it to the end of the week. The guy tried to placate her for a while until his wife demanded that the boat turn around and return her to shore. It didn’t seem to matter to her that there were four other couples who had paid for two hours of swimming with sea turtles and tropical fish. Maybe the boat was too small to be taken out in the large waves, but no one else was getting sick and we weren’t going to be punished because she forgot to take her Dramamine. When the boat anchored and the woman’s husband was the first one in the water, I admitted to Thor that I didn’t think I would ever get married. He smiled and said, “Yeah. Me neither.”
  
For some reason, his words relaxed me. After his comment, I knew that he would be all right with my decision to end whatever this was by the end of the summer. I needed to tell him though. I had promised Jessica I would. Snorkeling wasn’t really the time to tell him about my plans to concentrate on school and only school. And who knew if we would even make it until the end of summer. I decided to see how the week ended.
   
The giant flippers flapped comically as we tromped across the boat to the swim ramp, but once in the water, the flippers felt magical. They propelled us twenty feet without any effort. It was the first time that I had worn them and I didn’t realize how effective they were. We were as far from the boat as we were allowed before Thor wrapped his arms across my belly from behind and started kissing my neck. I guess he was done waiting for me. We treaded water effortlessly with our flippers and the mandatory life jackets we were both wearing.

“Tonight?” he whispered in my ear, his words full of hope and fear of rejection.
I shook my head and his grasp on me loosened slightly. I could feel his disappointment. As he began to pull away, I turned in his arms and clarified. “When we get back to the room. Why wait?” To hell with it, I thought. I was here. He was here. I wasn’t going to get this opportunity again. LIVE, I told myself.

A groan sounded from deep in his throat right before his lips crushed mine with an intensity that I had never felt before. He pulled my legs up around him and his fingers feathered lightly under the edges of my suit. Several minutes passed with us immersed in only each other and when we finally broke apart, my breathing was so erratic that I had to pause before engaging my snorkel. I could tell that Thor was feeling it too. Let me just say, he filled out his new swim trunks spectacularly. My head was still spinning when I affixed my goggles and blew the water out of my tube.

The fish were beautiful and graceful, but not as colorful as Nemo and that was disappointing. For the first hour, I was completely comfortable sharing the water with the not-colorful-enough fish, but then I spotted the ray fluttering across the sand below me. It had probably been there the whole time. That didn’t matter, though. I remembered hearing about the crocodile guy being killed by one and I started to freak out. Kicking to irrationally drive it away, sand clouded the water. I hadn’t had a full blown panic attack since high school, but I knew that I was in the middle of one. I couldn’t see the ray anymore. I couldn’t see anything with my flippers stirring up the ocean’s bottom. No one could.

Then out of nowhere, Thor pulled me in, pinning my arms down tight against my body like my mother used to do to stop an attack when I was little.

“It’s just another fish,” he whispered in my ear.

With his arms wrapped around me, rational thought trickled back into my head and the panic about the ray trying to kill me transformed into mortifying embarrassment. My heart pounded in my chest. I knew Thor could feel it.

“Just breathe,” he said.

I closed my eyes and concentrated on filling my lungs. How did he know what to do, when I had forgotten? Several minutes later, as my mind came back to reality and my body started functioning again, I relaxed against Thor and said, “Thank you.”

“No problem,” he answered and then pressed his lips gently to mine. The kiss was tender and sweet, and just what I needed to occupy the space in my head. He didn’t ask me about my panic attack when we swam back to the boat. He acted like nothing had happened and I was grateful.

On the ride back to shore, a full-blown name-calling argument played out between the puking woman and her husband and as she admitted that she should never have married him, she tried to gain support from the rest of us trapped on the boat for the show. No one offered any input. I liked her better when she was vomiting. That’s when Thor leaned in and admitted that I would win the bet.
Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler