Jessica's Way: May 27, 2013

Jessica:  May 27, 2013

I didn’t get to talk to Jeff over the weekend about the words he spilled to his mom. I kept waiting for him to bring it up, but he never did. He told the story at the bonfire about his mom calling him out into the hall as if he was fifteen and everyone thought it was so funny. But when I announced to the group that I heard his entire hallway conversation, he didn’t even react. Then he avoided me the rest of the weekend. Now, I don’t know what to do. He knows that I know, but he still hasn’t owned up to his words. Aaaagh!

I get that Thor was there, and Jeff didn’t want to talk about love or the future in front of a guy whose life was just demolished by a woman. The big break up shocked everyone. Thor and Nora had dated forever and they were supposed to get married in a couple of weeks. We never expected her to do what she did and I think that Thor’s experience traumatized Jeff out of love. Is that possible? Maybe not out of love, but fractured him enough to not want to acknowledge the words that he’d said. I can’t unhear them.

I know relationships are fluid. They change with outside influences. I never would have thought that Sarah and Matt would break up until their relationship shattered like a light bulb on a tile floor. Now Thor and Nora have ended. I believe Jeff and I are meant to be together though. There’s always been a connection between us. Even when he treated me like his little sister’s annoying friend, I could tell that he was never quite as irritated with me as he was with Sarah. Then one day he just stopped being irritated. I could see the change in the way he looked at me, in the way he smiled when I talked to him. I didn’t take him seriously at first. I liked him but I was so young with too many obstacles ahead of me. It was years before we started dating and only officially in the last eight months.

Tonight when Jeff dropped me off at my mom’s around seven, he gave me a quick kiss and told me he would text me before bed. I look forward to his texts every night, quick little messages to let me know he’s thinking about me. Sometimes they are sweet and innocent, but usually they’re not. My friends always tease me about Jeff’s sexts whenever my phone goes off at night. Now it’s almost one in the morning and, for the first time, I haven’t gotten my text. I don’t want to call him because I know he has to work in the morning and he may have just fallen asleep. But here I am, wide awake.        
Copyright 2014 Susan Schussler